How Long Does It Take to Fall in Love?

So, I have went out with hotel guy/Andrew a few more times. On Thursday night, he actually took the time to rig a raffle so that I could win a prize. I opened up the giftbag having no idea what was going on. There was a SIMS expansion pack Bon Vonage game and an envelope. I was told to pick one. Of course I picked the envelope! It was a 14 night (or maybe day) trip to Europe. Of course, it was not the actually trip arrangements, but it was him saying that he wants to take me to Europe. I had planned to have a talk with him about the whole thing moving too fast prior to this surprise. The conversation was not me saying that I want to slow it down. It was more about me handling myself differently so that I get different results. I ended up still having the conversation. I went out again with him on Friday. I am enjoying his company so much that I do not know what to do. The funniest part about it is now I am getting a lot of interest on eharmony. lol I have not even logged in, but I get the notifications via e-mail. Perhaps the whole I want to take you to Europe thing should be scaring me away, but I am truly enjoying all of the attention. When I set and think about it, all I can think is that I really deserve this. I deserve to have someone open the car door. I deserve to have someone who is thinking of me and lets me know it. I deserve to have someone who wants to spoil me. As I have really been thinking about what I want a lot lately, I think he is exactly it. I don't want to be scared. I want to act like I am 14 years old and see what happens.

Treadmill Jam

So, this morning I was having a hard time motivating myself to run. I am still not 100% committed to the marathon, yet I am worried that it might fill before I register. Anyway, I was contemplating whether to run outside in the gorgeous weather or go to the gym. It was a little windy. My contacts and the wind are not always friends. I go into the gym. Yes, I drop my jacket into the treadmill. It is completely jammed. I have to walk up to the front desk and request they place a sign on the treadmill. Mind you this morning I put on the jacket. It felt so cozy. Now, it remains at the gym. If you are reading, please say a little prayer for my jacket. I would like it in one piece and in the lost and found. I would love to have it back!

I ran. I think I ran 5 miles. I was not sure exactly where I was at the jam. I might have ran 6. Anyway, I did at least what I was supposed to do today!

Dating--So, I am getting a little tired of the lack of response from eHarmony. I think I am attractive. I know I am educated. I have a good job and a nice lifestyle. What is the problem here?? I have been contemplating joining a matchmaking service. The ones I have researched actually charge $10K!! Not a bad investment if you find someone, but what if you don't? I guess I lost $100K on my house and more than $10K in my investments so who cares!!

I did have a first date last night. It is a guy that I have known for a few years through work. He manages a hotel. He had asked me out for Thursday, and I was not able to go out that night. He ended up going with me to a birthday party. He was a wonderful date, and everyone seemed to like him, too. He suggested we see a movie today. It should be fun. SO, I guess I should not be complaining about e-Harmony!!

Almost Ready to Register

I am scared to commit to the marathon. I have started training though. There has been nothing hard core yet, but I think I am really going to do it.

Being in the Moment

Being in the moment is something that I have always struggled with. While I am getting better at it, I wonder how you can be in the moment yet plan for the future. Today, I was good at being in the moment in traffic. Instead of stressing out about the day or worrying about my party tomorrow, I simply listened to the music and enjoyed it.

This blog is really less about being in the moment and more about deciding whether or not to end a relationship. I have had this on and off again relationship for 5 years. Yep, 5 whole years. It seems to be going nowhere. When you are in the moment, who cares! At the same time, I want different things for the future. I want to share my bills for one!! I want to be in a loving relationship. As much as I hate to say it, I am not sure why I keep going through this. I have tried and tried to be in a loving relationship with this man. As many times as we have tried, it does not work. There is some saying about that being insanity.

I think I might be procrastinating cleaning for the party so I am going to do that!

It Sounded Like A Good Idea

I am having a small get together tomorrow night. When did inviting friends over become more than buying a keg? Yes, I need to clean. I need to go get some food and drinks. Yes, I have beer and wine already! But, I need coffee, just in case. It would be so much easier to go pick up a keg. This party sounded like a good idea four weeks ago!

It also sounded like a good idea once upon a time ago to have responsibilities at work. Last night I had a dream that I woke up late. I missed three meetings. Yes, I was in charge of them all. I woke up thinking I should just take the day off, but it never seems like a good day to do it. Plus, one day never really helps, does it?

I have been trying to focus on enjoying having a job. Many people have lost their jobs and their homes. Today, I have the luxury to go to work and return to my very own home that I will enjoy cleaning! =)

Today is the Day

Yes, today is the day when the official training begins. As I crawled into bed last night, I could feel the pain in my ankle. While part of me wants to run this morning, the other part knows I should not. The other part knows that if I do I will need to get honest and go see the doctor! THe blog about running may soon change into another blog!

It is all in the wording isn't it. The voices in my head, I know you have them too!, are saying this marathon training will be a lot of hard work. I then tell them that it will be fun and challenging. It will be exciting to accomplish the goal. The dialouge continues, but everything is in the words!

So, regarding dating, this guy I have know for at least a year e-mails me last Thursday. He asks me to lunch and said he was nervous about doing so. I thought it was cute and asked him if it was a date. He said no...it was just lunch. Before the day is over, he, okay we because I was not disagreeing, have decided to go to the horse races, horse back riding, running, and riding bikes. It seems to be going well. We continue to communicate on Friday. I am excited about this but even I am feeling weird that it is moving too fast. On Saturday morning, I send him an e-mail in response to his e-mail stating that if this does well he should change his childcare schedule to match mine. I say to him something like Okay Mr. It is not even a date. He must have gotten offended because I get a message that I should not e-mail him. Then, I get one saying he is not having fun. Then another one telling me it is over. lol OMG What is over. I remove the two lunch dates from my calendar. He proceeds to call a few times. Mind you, I have been told the relationship where he has not even called is over, but now we need to talk and discuss it. In the past, I would have made sure he discussed it and would still want to go on a date with him. Now, I ran. Um yeah, when there is trouble before the first phone call, run!!

I spend most of the day serving food to the homeless on Saturday. I was amazed by a few things. First, there really are soem beautiful homeless people. I do not mean all people are beautiful, and therefore, homeless people are beautiful, too. I mean I did not expect to find beautiful women and men there. I am not saying that ugly deserve to be homeless either; I think it just became more real like any of us could end up there easily. I was also amazed at how clean they were. The kids were cute talking about My Space just like kids with homes.

Saturday night I had a lovely dinner with the ex. I spent most of the day with him yesterday. I called him last night and he said that he could see us married relatively soon. Um, isn't he my ex?? Anyway, it was fun, and he was cute. I think I need to spend some time writing and thinking about him. What is it that happens when we are "together" and especially when we live together that changes? Do we simply take one another for granted? Have we both just come to terms that there is no one better out there? Am I simply disgusted with the men that I end up communicating with? Are there simply no guys contacting me from eHarmony? What is it? Why do he and I constantly end up back together? For awhile I thought it was my fear of being alone. Now, I think I have learned to enjoy my time alone and almost wonder if I can really put a man back into my life and be happy!

Anyway, I am going to go out and attempt to run...

Just Do It!

So, last night I drug myself to this meeting and was totally inspired. The meetings revolve around the law of attraction. You know, THE SECRET! I have missed several meetings for tons of reasons like vacations and having the kids, but now I am set to go every other week. There is one woman in the group who I totally admire. She just sends these wonderful vibes of being peaceful.

Recently, pre-blog life, I created a posting on MySpace. It was about being content and how I have no desire to be content. I think I need to go reread what I wrote! I do want to be peaceful like her. I want to just radiate a sense that everything will be alright. I spend so much time stressing over things that are not even happening.

While I have been thinking that I have been positive lately, I was just having a conversation at lunch that made me really think about what I am doing. At work, I am spending so much time focusing on what I am not accomplishing. I am being way too hard on myself. I am creating a department from nothing and expect that it should be perfect by now. I am a fundraiser. I raise money for kids with mental illness. I have submitted several grants that have been denied. Yet, some have been approved. I turned an anonymous donor of balls at the holidays into a donor who is giving from his family's foundation. I have presented to many groups and created great awareness for the agency. I just feel so guilty because they are paying me more than I am bringing in. I worry that they will realize it and get rid of me. This is what I mean by stressing about what is not happening. I am not losing my job tomorrow. If I would spend all that energy on getting more funds instead of thinking I need a back up plan, I may never need a back up plan!!

I am committed to going to the gym today. My ankle hurts today. I may only walk three miles, but I am doing something!

So, from yesterday to today, I have created the possibility of being powerful, peaceful, and in love. I am grateful that I have a job where I make a difference in the world. Now, back to making a difference!